Theo's Diary
by Radical.2
Summary: Theo's been obsessed with Pansy since, well, forever. But it's kind of hard to act on this when she's dating a crayon-/diaper-using jerk: Draco Malfoy, of course. And Dumbledore's trying to help Theo... to fall in love with Draco. So... what next?
1. Day One

**Written for 123Quarter's "Untold Stories" Challenge.**

**J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter.**

**So I started this approximately two years but I'm coming back to this to finish it) XD So, editing everything I've written and then writing a bunch more chapters... Don't judge my ninth-grade words too much, lol... Eh.**

Day One

_Hello, my name is Theo Nott, and this is my journal. Well, it's pretty much a diary. But journal sounds more masculine and macho, just like I am... Diary, however, would probably annoy people a lot more. Not that anyone else is going to read this. I'll put a charmed lock on it or something._

_If you're not me, and you're reading this, DIE. Or at least kill me before you show this to anyone else- _please...

_Anyway. Today was a pretty average day. I roughed up a few second years and annoyed Draco to the point that he tried to hex me- Merlin, that was _fun_._ _What else did I do? Let me think for a moment... I sarcastically told Dumbledore he had a nice hair-do, which he honestly doesn't. Oh, and I had a little conversation with my darling Pansy Parkinson. I just love that chick, from the alliteration in her name to the zippers on those sexy black boots she wears whenever we go to Hogsmeade. Get it? 'Cause allliteration starts with _a _and zippers begins with _Z_, so it's like A-Z..._

_So, yeah. She's pretty damn awesome._

_You see, I was in the common room before, and so was Pansy- she was sitting on one of the emerald-green couches and studying history, and I was sitting at a table near her and trying to study history. She's good at studying- I'm not. So, to further increase my knowledge of magical history- and my knowledge of my beloved soul mate- I said to her, "Yo, Parkinson, want to come over here and help me study? 'Cause I don't get any of this stuff."_

_And then she, my darling Slytherin friend, looked up at me with those beautiful light eyes and said the most sticking-to-your-brain comment she'd said that day (also the only one). She said, "Yeah, because everyone knows that you really want to 'study'." She made quote marks with her fingers to emphasize the last word. And then she kind of turned my smile upside-down when she turned to me again and said, "And if you ever wanted to 'study'-" again with the emphasis, "- you might try not wearing that awful man-perfume. Was it made of flowers and crap mixed up by first years, or do you just _like _smelling like a baboon all the time?"_

_Out of lack of things to say, I replied, "Baboons rock!" and swiftly strode back up to the boy's dormitory, our guy-cave._

_Note to self: ask Draco what kind of man-perfume- I mean cologne!- he uses. Whatever he used back when he dated Pansy, anyway._

_-Theo._


	2. Day Two

Day Two

_Another day, another remarkable conversation with my one true love._

_Since it's my birthday today, Pansy thought up a magnificent idea- to hide every single present I'd gotten, so that I'd have to look for them all. Kind of like a scavenger hunt! And, sure, when she told me I was getting warmer and colder to finding one, she was completely wrong, but she probably forgot where she hid them. And, yeah, I still haven't found my present from Blaise Zabini yet, but that one was probably set to explode or something when I opened it- Blaise is as much of a prankster as Fred or George Weasley._

_I refuse to dislike Pansy Parkinson- I couldn't if I tried, really. She's too hot. And she's very witty and cunning and intelligent, too. What's not to like? I mean, sure, she does make an effort to irritate me on a daily basis, but then she'll glance over at me every few moments whenever she's talking to Draco or Blaise. She did hide all of my birthday presents, but it made my day a whole lot more fun! I mean, who wants to just open a gift, when you could be looking in every, single, bloody- Anyway. It only took twelve hours or so. She likes spending time with me, I think. Can't blame her, right?_

_Because I _am _pretty cool._

_I didn't even tell you the best part yet- Pansy smiled at me! To sound as masculine as possible at the moment, it made me feel like jumping up and down on my bed and yelling, "I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!" like in that one movie about the elf guy. Thankfully, I didn't do that. I only gave her a quick grin and walked away as coolly as I possibly could._

_Of course, this enabled my love to call, "That is the most moronic walk you have ever tried to impress me with!" But then she added- I love when she adds things like that, it has a very dramatic effect- "But it's cute." That last part was quieter._

_I just grinned at her again and tried not to start skipping as I continued on to the guy-cave._

_-Theo!_


	3. Day Three

Day Three

_Not a very good day today._

_I greeted my beloved in the halls several times today, but she didn't hear me. Or she was deliberately ignoring me. I suspect the latter. I mean, I'm usually an optimistic, positive, super-sexy guy, but the evidence is too true to ignore. You see, after potions class today... Well, I saw her walking with Draco- Merlin, I hate that guy more than usual today- and he had his skinny, pale arm around her waist. Admittedly, I stuck my tongue out at him when he wasn't looking. I think Pansy might have seen, but she didn't react at all, except to quickly look away._

_Anyway, back to optimistic-Theo. If she really is dating Draco- that stupid idiot- then I _am_ going to get her back. Of course, I'll have to break them up before I do that. And how do I do that? I mean, I could murder Draco and blame it on Potter. I could murder Pansy, but that would defeat the purpose of phase two of my super-awesome plan. Or, I could go with an idea _so crazy _that it just might work._

_I've just got to think of one._

_Perhaps I could try and make my true love jealous, by talking to Daphne and Astoria and the other girls in front of her and ignoring her and breaking her heart every time she looks at me and- Yeah. Because she really feels like that. Not that I'm being negative. It's just that this whole thing has got me in the whole the-glass-is-half-full type of mood. The she-hates-me-and-loves-Draco type of mood. The my-life-seriously-sucks type of mood._

_My life wouldn't be bad at all, if only my Pansy-flower would realize how much she really loves me- and if she already does, it would make me complete if she would actually _show _it, instead of parading all around the common room with a total moron. *cough, DRACO!*_

_Maybe I can read one of those self-help books- or even better, I could go and ask Dumbledore for advice! Blaise told me that he was good with this kind of stuff. Of course, that could have just been a prank, too..._

_But friends don't prank friends when they happen to be heart-broken._

_Just wait, Pansy Parkinson, 'cause you're in for the action of your life._

_Starting tomorrow. I'm too tired to do anything right now, except maybe sleep._

_-Theo..._


	4. Day Four

Day Four)

_Merlin, I am going to _kill _Blaise Zabini for giving me that lovely piece of advice._

_So, I went to Dumbledore to ask for advice on the Pansy thing, and, well, he was more than happy to help, actually. I think he misses back when he was like me- young, good-looking, intelligent... Well, working on the last one. Anyway, when he asked me what was going on, I said to him, "I have this one friend, and well, frankly, I've fallen in love with her. She's just... cool, you know? She's smart... sexy... has nice eyes... she's witty..." Ten minutes of me going on about Pansy later, I remembered how I was supposed to be telling Dumbledore about the actual problem. "Sorry... (She also has nice hair.) Anyway," I continued, "She's dating this one guy... Actually, it's Draco Malfoy. They-"_

_Dumbledore held up a hand for me to stop. "Theodore... Can I call you Theo?" he asked. I nodded. "Spectacular. Theo, I understand that guys like you don't want to- how do they say it these days?- come out of the closet? Yes... that's it... But, Theo, there are others you can talk to about it- like me. So don't keep all your emotions bottled up inside of you. You've just got to tell him- I mean 'her'-" He held up his fingers for quotation marks on_ her_, reminding me of Pansy, "- how you feel!"_

_"Professor... Headmaster..." I started to say..._

_"No need to say anything else, Theo. Just go, go and be free as the wind," Dumbledore told me in a soothing voice._

_"I'm not a homosexual, if that's what you're implying, sir," I said to him, but he just shushed me._

_"Draco does have nice hair, Theo. I agree."_

_That evil blonde has even gotten to the Headmaster's head now. Honestly! It makes me wish that Dumbledore was dating Draco instead of Pansy. Despite the, er, _wrong_ image that that puts into my head, I'd actually prefer it to this, if only I could have my beloved Pansy in my arms..._

_If only..._

_I'm sighing right now. And thinking of different methods of killing Blaise. What can I say? I'm a Slytherin, I multi-task._

_-Theo._


	5. Day Five

Day Five

_The only thing that the childish part of me can think right now is something along the lines of "HA! _I _already knew that she hated when people gave her pansy flowers!" I swear to Merlin, I nearly shouted that out loud when Draco went up to my love, Pansy, at dinner and gave her the damn flowers... How I laughed victoriously, however, when she rolled her eyes at him and said, "You don't know me at all, Draco. Not. At. All." Draco glared at me at that, but it was most certainly worth it. It's not a break-up, and not even a fight- they made up an hour later, in the common room- but it's something. Something I can work with._

_I went to her while she was alone studying again today, this time in the library. She was studying history again- I don't get why she likes it so much, but everyone has their own obsessions. Like how I used to collect all the broken quills Pansy threw away... and then there was the thrown-away homework stage... and the shoes that didn't fit her anymore stage... _

_Anyway. I sat across from her, as she was sitting at a small table, in the corner of the library. I said, "So, what kind of flowers _do _you like, then?"_

_Pansy snorted with laughter. "I don't like flowers at all, you baboon!" she informed me._

_"Oh," I said, rather awkwardly, I guess. "Are you more of a... shrub kind of girl, then?" I tried._

_She stopped laughing and looked up at me. "What?"_

_"You know, bushes, low-lying plants..."_

_"Er... No, not really." Pansy sucked in her cheeks a little, as if she were trying not to laugh at my total idiocy._

_"I'm just going to... go... then... So, see you later, Pansy!" I said hurriedly, getting up quickly and nearly knocking over my chair as I left. So much for the coordinated, low-voiced, totally hot guy that I usually am. Perhaps I should try practicing talking to her in front of the mirror again... But that didn't work out too well last time, especially since Blaise walked in just as I was about to kiss Pansy, aka- my reflection in the mirror... Yeah. Anyway._

_I owled dear Dumbledore for advice on the whole flower/shrub thing, since I figured that I'd have to get her _some _kind of plant, if I ever wanted to show her that I was serious about her. It's definitely necessary. Of course, Dumbledore was still convinced that I was in love with Draco- he suggested something more masculine, like a tree. But that got me thinking... _

_I think I'll have to find out what kind of tree Pansy would like best. Something Pansy-ish._

_I'll have to look into that._

_-Theo, thankfully._


	6. Day Six

Day Six

_I went to Dumbledore this morning, and he gave me permission- and some gardening equipment- to transplant any tree on Hogwarts' grounds into a pot for my one true love. Of course, he still thinks it's Draco, but I might as well use his insanity to my advantage. At first I didn't even know what half of the gardening crap was that he gave me, but I found some books on gardening in the library... and I soon found out what they were... It was just my luck that I happened upon Pansy as I was leaving. When she asked me what I was reading, I didn't say anything. I just ran away- and then got yelled at by Madam Pince as I passed her._

_Smooth move, Theo._

_I went into the Forbidden Forest to find Pansy-flower a tree as lovely as she was, but half of them were dead and the other half old, whithered, and snarly, like my grandma. I saw a few brightly colored trees, but they looked too much like pansies. I saw one wicked-looking tree that was slowing green and dripping this really gooey slime, but when I looked it up in one of the books I'd brought, it turned out that when you touch it, it sends this weird chemical into your body, and it supposedly turns your eyes and hair green. But I don't think that's _actually_ going to happen- I still look exactly the same, and it's been hours._

_Besides, green's Pansy's favorite color. So I'll be okay either way._

_After a few hours of wandering around, I got lost. Not that it mattered- I just _had _to find the perfect tree. If I had to sleep on the ground next to a mossy log all night, I would have, because I refused to leave that spooky place until I found a tree. And then I did. Merlin, it was the best tree ever. Yeah, I nearly stepped on it, and I ended up falling into a pile of dirt and leaves when I tried to avoid stepping on it, but the tree was okay._

_After I'd transplanted the tree into a pot with my "shovel" and all that other stuff (can't remember what they're called, who even cares?), I realized that I was still lost. Luckily, after a half hour of walking and looking for the path, I found Argus Filch. Actually, he garbbed me by the scruff of my robes and tried to drag me off, but I just picked up my "shovel" and knocked him unconscious. I suppose I could've used my wand, but I was already holding the thing anyway... and it was fun. Then I followed his footprints back to the path, then back to the castle._

_I went to Dumbledore's office, and he agreed to let me keep the little tree in his office and take care of it until I gave it to "my one true love"- he's gonna be pissed when he realizes that I'm not gay like he is, but now is all that matters. Now, Pansy, and the tree. And maybe my awesome-looking hair, too._

_It's not like it's really going to turn green, right?_

_-Theo_


	7. Day Seven

Day Seven

_Some anonymous person apparently once said that love without reason lasts the longest, and by once said, I mean that I just got a mysterious letter by owl in the Great Hall today that said just that, signed "S.S." I can't even think of anyone with those initials, partly because all the idiots in my house- *cough, DRACO*- call everyone by their last names. Potter, Malfoy, Zabini, Parkinson, Nott, Greengrass, Dumbledore... I might as well just call him Albus, just to irritate them! It's not like he would care anyway, he'd just say something philosophical and friendly, then daydream more about Draco. Eh._

_Do you even know why I think Draco's such a moron? Other than the obvious, I mean- that he's dating my beloved Pansy. _

_For one, the guy has this stupid blond hair, and I know for a fact that it's not even natural. And everyone thinks he's all scary and amazing, yet he still draws _with crayons._ I mean, art is cool, but anyone who still uses _crayons _is a total baby. I suspect that he uses diapers, too, but I haven't yet found the evidence. I'm searching, though, so don't worry- he will be exposed. And, yeah, he's pretty good at Quidditch, but... (anyone reading this, there shouldn't even be anyone reading this, but anyone reading this had better not tell _anyone _about this) Harry's way better. Just sayin'._

_Anyway._

_Today I saw Pansy outside, sitting under a big willow tree- not the Whomping Willow, thankfully. She was studying. I quickly ducked behind another tree and spent five minutes trying to think of something really cool to say as I walked by her. When I finally did, I said, "History again?" and slowed as I passed her. Instead of replying, she kind of turned red and mumbled something._

_And that's when I saw something simply... amazing. Shocking. Utterly spectacular._

_"You have a diary?" I asked incredulously. But something in my tone must have offended her, because she slammed the green book closed, along with the history book, and when she looked up at me after a moment, she was glaring at me. Why is that I can always manage to mess things up with her? Oh, answer: I'm a moron. Well, a sexy moron. A really_

* * *

><p><em>Sorry about that, Mr. Diary. Draco interrupted me, but I'll get to that after I finish talking about Pansy- she takes way more priority than that idiot. Even when her face is red and the wind is really strong, making her hair all messy. Even when she's pissed as hell at me. Yeah, she really was. When she started looking all angry like that, my first instinct was to scream and run, but I didn't, which was probably another stupid move, brought to you by Theo Nott... Instead, I reached for her hand.<em>

_Pansy just stared at me for a second, frozen. And then she, and not I, ran away. Leaving me under the tree, alone. So I just sat there, where she had, and thought about love and the meaning of the life. No, actually, I just fell asleep. When I dreamed, it was only a minute or two, maybe less. It was of Dumbledore and Draco- I'm not saying anything else. Just know that it was more horrifying that that dream in which I watched my mom die at the hands of old Voldie himself._

_Speaking of Draco, he just came in our dormitory room and slammed the door closed behind him, then kicked everyone out but me. The first thing I said when we were alone was "If this is because you read my diary, I didn't mean to insult you. Well, not that much. And I wasn't really planning to-" Thank Merlin that he silenced me with a gesture of his hand before I admitted that I wanted to steal his girlfriend! Then he would've been even crankier than he already was at the moment._

_"No, it's not about whatever the hell _you _like to write," Draco said coldly, sounding more like his dad than his usual self. Which pretty much is an eleven on the voices-that-creep-you-out scale. He continued by saying, "It's about what Pansy wrote in her diary. She said that-"_

_"No, wait, you read her diary?" I asked him, eyes wide. "You can't just go and read a girl's innermost thoughts! What are you, crazy? Diaries are the only place a person can say everything they're feeling, even the crazy stuff! You don't even tell your best friend as many things as you do a diary, because if you think that they're a bitch, you don't want to call them a bitch to their face, 'cause they're your best friend! And if you were trying to kill a guy or kiss a girl or fall in love with your best friend, you wouldn't want anybody else in the whole world to know that;_ _they're your secrets! To read someone's diary... that's just plain cruel, Draco!" I burst out. Rambling on and on, I guess. He just watched with a bored, cold expression- waiting for me to finish._

_And then he started to laugh, sounding like some wacko freaky killer guy. Which he kind of _is.

_"You don't know, do you?" Draco said after a moment, then collapsed on his bed, still chuckling. He ignored me for the rest of the night, the oddest and scariest of expressions on his face._

_Oh, and my eyes are starting to take on a greenish tint._

_A storm is coming, I can feel it._

_Merlin, help me._

_-Theodore Roosevelt... kidding. It's Theo._


	8. Day Eight

Day Eight

_Things just keep coming. I mean, once the drama starts, it doesn't stop until everything and everyone in its path has gone to hell and been completely destroyed. It's like, I just want to stick my head out a window and shout, "You've already taken everything I could lose, so bring it on! There is nothing more that you could possibly take from me, so fucking _bring it on_!" But I have a suspicion that if I were to do that, fate would look me in the eye and say, fine. I'm bringing it. And so it has, because there is nothing that could possibly be worse than what happened today..._

_Then again, there's always tomorrow._

_So, first thing in the morning, I wake up. Duh, that's obvious. But, anyway, I wake up, drag myself over to the bathroom, and then get the shock of my life- and it's not that Draco's even more of a git than I thought he was. That was yesterday. Today, it's that my eyes are even greener than they were yesterday. In fact, they're neon, glowing green, like the lights of the muggle Las Vegas. And my hair? Even worse. I mean, some guys could rock the whole my-hair-is-green look, but not me. I never thought I would ever say this, but my hair isn't perfect. Perfect. And that's a sarcastic comment._

_I tried to use a spell to get rid of the color in my hair, but just then Draco opened the door and came in. I jumped, the charm bounced off of the mirror, and then came a sight so fucking hilarious that I couldn't help but double over in laughter. Draco's horrible blond hair was now _black_. And, Merlin, it was just _so funny_. I couldn't help it. Of course, then he got all pissed at me and said, "You think that's funny, do you? Well, it's not... Nott. You have such a stupid last name, did you know that?" And then he was chuckling, and I was silent. Draco just grinned at me and was all let's-be-friends-we-both-have-weird-hair-anyway for the next few minutes. But I just ignored him for the most part. I mean, the guy's an ass. I wasn't going to buy the whole charade, no way. He gave up after a while, thankfully; I had been on the verge of hexing him into next week._

_Draco got his hair back to normal with a simple and easy charm. Mine was obstinate. But maybe that's a good thing- my hair has personality! Spectacular! Not. And, Merlin, ever since that moronic bathroom conversation with Draco, I can't help but notice how often my last name pops up unintentionly in things. I mean, yeah, I noticed it before, but I was used to it. Now the guy's just being annoying, though, slipping the word in every bloody time we talk. When we pass each other in the hall, it's, "Hey, Nott, what's up with the hair? It's so _Nott _cool." When we're eating dinner, it's, "I'm smart. You're _Nott_." I honestly just wanted to yell, "Get over it, you-" and then a whole string of curse words. Like, _a lot._ But that might make a bad impression on Pansy, I thought._

_Well, that was before he said it _again_, when we were in the common room after dinner. Draco and Blaise were playing wizard chess, and then I came in, and Pansy was there too. She's still mad at me, by the way. She ignores me in the halls without a second glance- or a first- and if she ever does look at me, she's glaring. But I also can sense something under all that, a message: don't tell anyone about her diary. Well, obviously Draco knows about it- and apparently read it too, that moron- but my love didn't want me to tell anyone else. So I didn't, of course. I'm still wondering what Draco was hinting at yesterday, though..._

_Back to subject. I got to the scene, and soon Blaise and I were bantering about who was cooler and handsomer and smarter. And then Draco comes in and says, "You're Nott," and starts chuckling with laughter, just like it was the funniest thing in the world. I was fed up with it. There's a point in being mocked by Draco Malfoy where I'll just go, "Yep, this has taken long enough. I'm gonna punch Draco in the nose now."_

_So I did. I hadn't exactly meant to break his nose, but I kind of did... Thankfully, when he was in the hospital wing being treated- he was moaning and groaning over a whole lot of nothing, the idiot- he was too embarrassed and shocked by the whole thing to tell any teachers that it had been me, so I didn't even get in trouble. Except that Pansy got a bit blown up about it. She glared at me even more, and spent all her time mooning over how it must have been _so _painful. And then more glaring at me._

_She's obviously in love with me. Utterly _sick _with love for me, so much so that it kills her inside. I'll set this all straight soon. Just like Madam Pomfrey set Draco's nose straight again. Well, actually, it's just a bit crooked. That's what Draco says, anyway. But he always is a bit melodramatic._

_And a total git- have I said that yet?_

_-Nott Theo._


	9. Day Nine, Unfortunately

Day Nine

_About one in one-hundred-and-forty-seven people in this world have the amazing ability to piss me off at will, and Blaise Zabini is one of them. Do you know anyone else who would write "Nott broken" on Draco's funny-looking (because it really does look stupid, ha) nose bandage when he was already more pissed than a... hmm... I suck at metaphors. Think Severus Snape, but less restrained._

_And, since this is my_ _life we're- well, I'm- talking about- writing, whichever- of course it was Pansy who walked into the room as soon as Blaise left. Naturally, that scum they call Draco didn't make any attempt to inform her that it was not, in fact, the boy who just picked the other guy's marker off the ground that vandalized his face (ha, vandalization of the face). He was totally content with just watching when she started to go off at me._

_If I was feeling pessimistic- optimistic, whatever it is that you're supposed to say- I might comment that at least my dear Pansy was talking to me again. But I really don't think that "Why can't you ever act mature, for once in your life?" and "Damn you!" count, to be really honest. Maybe she was right, because the only thoughts that were coming to me were about how hot she was when she was angry, and how angry I was at Blaise, of course. And Draco. Come to think of it... I've got to get myself some new friends! They all turned out to be bastards... I knew I should have picked Ravenclaw. But that idea was mostly to piss Dad off. Anyway... I mean, what now?_

_Well, what happened next was something really rather strange... Her hand went up. Pansy's. As in, she looked for one short second as if she was about to... hurt me. Hurt me. Hurt me? And then- she ran away. Again. Only this time she left something behind, something I'd been all too aware of since she'd first walked in... her diary. Her diary. Her diary!_

_Isn't there some sort of charm that makes people say everything three times? Or a mental disorder? I think I might have that._

_Since Draco- the bastard- had gone back to fiddling with his nose- I mean, no wonder he thinks it's crooked- no one noticed me casually slipping the leather-bound book into my bag. I felt like such a ninja, you know? A rock-star ninja. So I guess it was only natural that I looked up to see Draco watching me._

_Guiltily, I backed away from the scene and called, "Your hair color isn't real!" And then fled._

_Don't ask how I ended up here in Dumbledore's office again, this time alone. All I figure right now is that I'm so tired- and sick of all this shit going on- that I might just fall asleep holding two diaries in my arms._

_Damn... I'd forgotten about the damn tree!_

_-Reluctantly, Theo. Who is almost wishing he is someone else at the moment, but not quite._


	10. Day Ten

**Day Ten**

_Dear Mr. Diary..._

_I've woken up yelling out "What the fuck?" numerous times in my life, and for two main reasons. One, I was just having some seriously whacked-up dream- usually with Dumbledore, for some reason. Two, something equally disturbing happened to occur to me as soon as I woke up. In this case, this happening was what woke me up this morning. _

_So, yeah, why did I call out the moment I'd opened up my- still- green eyes? Because I was being held bridal-style in Draco's arms. My head resting against his chest, his soft school sweater. My own hands around his pale- vampiric- neck. I mean, Merlin, his hands were on my legs! So, of course, I yelled and shocked the wits out of Draco, who dropped me insantly. And, damn, we were on the staircase leading down from Dumbledore's office! I fell, like... many steps. It hurt..._

_"What the fuck?" I repeated, sitting up against the wall on a step but not yet standing. "Why the-"_

_And, here's the funny thing. Draco's face was red. And by red, I mean redder than the Gryffindor lion... very red. Embarrassed-red, not angry-red. But he still sounded pretty pissed at me- though a little flustered- when he replied, "Dumbledore told me to!"_

_"And, what, you just listened?" I yelled back, clutching my shoulder. I wondered if I would have one of those sexy scars on my face now, or at least a few bruises. I could say I got in a fight... Only now, sitting in the bathroom and writing this, I see that it's hardly anything to show off. Damn..._

_Anyhow, Draco then said that he couldn't say no to Dumbledore. Whatever. I jumped up suddenly and grabbed him by the shoulders. He just kind of stood there, looking at me. And since it's no fun to punch someone who's just being there, I didn't. Plus, Blaise's little note was irritating me, too. I sighed, and then both of us were just standing there and looking at each other._

_"So, where does this leave us now?" I asked after a few moments of this. "And... why did Dumbledore ask you here again?" By then I was just thoroughly confused._

_"He just came into the dormitory and dragged me out of there, everyone else was still sleeping. Then, on the way out here, he was going on about how you'd fallen asleep in his office... and something about how you'd really appreciate it if I did this for you?" Now our expressions mirrored each other again: utter confusion. Which was beginning to really annoy me. Luckily, my tired mind was putting the pieces together, so I was starting to finally get this. _

_I guess Dumbledore really is pretty delusional._

_Then I realized something. "The diaries!" I exclaimed, jumping away from Draco. Why had we been so close...? The door to Dumbledore's office was shut tight, I saw. I began to stumble my way up the stairs, the same way I'd fallen down them- oh, excuse me, the same way I'd been _dropped_ down them- but then Draco took hold of my wrist, yanking me back._

_"I have it here," he explained hurridly, quickly letting go when he saw my face. Why was he being so chicken, I wondered? Did I really look that scary, or was he just tired? _

_After a few seconds, I observed that my fellow housemate was making no effort to retrieve either my diary or Pansy's. Why? Oh, right, because he's a jerk. I told him this, and he grinned. "You locked it, And her lock spells are never very good..."_

_That was precisely the moment in which I did a classic manuever: grab and run. You know those muggle movie scenes where one guy's chasing another? That was me and Draco for, hmm, four hours or so... until lunchtime. It finally ended when I came upon Pansy and chucked her diary at her. It hit her in the face, and she got pissed at me- again- but, hey, I was still her hero, and she knew it. She's having a talk with Draco right now..._

_And me, as I wrote, I'm still here in the bathroom, giving the evil eye to anyone who dares to look at me and wonder why the hell I'm sitting on the counter and writing. Just the way I like it... no, not really. I'm just too afraid to go out into the common room for fear that more first years will mock my hair. But let's let that be a secret..._

_Besides, if anyone in this place had to have green hair, it should be me, because I'm the only one here who could rock this._

_-Theo _;)


	11. Day Eleven, Sadly Enough

**_Day Eleven_**

_Yo, Diary..._

_He actually pulled me out of class to discuss this._

_I tried to tell McGonagall that it wasn't necessary, that Dumbledore didn't really need talk with me. Didn't she know that I treasured and valued every second I got to spend in her classroom?_

_Yeah, I ended up being escorted to the headmaster's office. By the Slytherin prefect. Whatever his name is. I just know that he's an asshole. Seriously, instead of "escorted", I should have written "mercilessly dragged by my ear". He just might be higher than Draco on my hate list... and that's saying something._

_And, after all that, do you know why Dumbledore wanted to talk with me? What could possibly be so urgent that I needed to skip class for it? Not that I minded... but Dumbledore does have this habit of making the tips of my ears burn. Which isn't just because they were practically torn off by some asshole prefect. _

_"You see," the headmaster said, when I asked him this, "You, Theo, have gotten yourself swept up into what they call a love triangle. A real one. In my opinion, most are mistaken when they speak of these triangles. Say we have three characters... Hermione, Draco, and... Harry, perhaps? Yes, Harry. Well, Draco likes Hermione, and so does Harry. In this analogy! Not in actuality, of course. And Hermione's caught in between. But this isn't a triangle, because there's nothing at all happening between Draco and Harry! It's like... an angle! You see what I mean, Theo?"_

_I nodded. Why did he have to talk so much...?_

_"You and Draco have something special."_

_Okay... gag._

_"A true triangle!" Dumbledore exclaimed, lifting his hands in the air as if he were, I don't know, Jesus. Or something. "You like Draco..." Right, right. Sure. "Draco's dating Pansy..." Yep, true, true. Unfortunately so! "... And Pansy's in love with you!" Right, right..._

_I said something really smart right then. Something along the lines of "Wha- huh?"_

_"What is it, Theo?" Dumbledore looked at me strangely. "You're acting as if you didn't already... know..." He trailed off suspiciously, and for a few seconds he just stared at me. I seriously gulped a little, it was that intense of a look. I couldn't blame Draco for obeying him yesterday, now. Dumbledore had the eyes of a tiger._

_Then he started laughing. Which was, in a way, even creepier than before. I laughed along, even though I had no idea what the hell was so funny. _

_I stopped in a snitch's wing beat when Dumbledore reached out and patted me on the head. Yes, it was much more awkward than you imagine. Much. More. "You're so adorably clueless!" he chuckled. "If I had a van, I'd so kidnap you!"_

_That was precisely the moment that I choked on nothing but air and the image of Dumbledore yanking me into an old white muggle automobile. Why the fuck was that so easy to picture? I immediately cleared my throat when the thought of Dumbledore giving me the Heimlich popped up in my mind. _

_This is why I wanted to be in class, you know? So said I in a near-hysterical tone of voice._

_"So." Dumbledore was back to business, it seemed. He started scrawling words on a piece of parchment on his desk. "You have three options, correct?"_

_"Um..." I didn't know!_

_"Correct?"_

_I sat up straight. "Yes, sir!" I yelped out. Dumbledore grinned, then resumed his writing._

_"First option: Wait it out. You don't want to do that, do you? Right. So, option two-"_

_"Excuse me, sir..." I said, really, really awkwardly, "but what-" the fuck "-are we discussing, exactly?"_

_"The seduction of Draco Malfoy."_

_Need I say more? Needless to say, I had a really, really bad day._

_That rhymed. Amazing._

_-Theo._


	12. Day Twelve Is A Boss

**_DAY TWELVE IS A BOSS_**

_Diary. Diary, Diary, Diary..._

_I have, at last, thought of the perfect plan to bring two perfect little angels of people together... Together, bonded by the strings of loving hearts and the souls of caring acquaintances. A most ingenious plan..._

_Except that neither Pansy nor I am either of the aforementioned perfect little angels, and no one gives a fuck about my brilliant plan. Well, you know what? Fuck them! They could go, I don't know, drown in the lake, for all I care. And have their brains sucked out by the giant squid! I bet Snape would go out and take samples from their bodies for his weird potions... _

_Hey, I've heard rumours!_

_A few minutes before this climactic scene shot through my oh-so-intelligent mind (kind of), all of us guys were just kind of chilling in our dormitory. I was doodling Pansy's name on the pages of some textbook, Draco was getting all emo about his life, Blaise was researching different poisons... just chilling, you know? Slytherin-style. _

_And, yeah, at the other end of the room there was some dork arranging flowers, someone asleep in his school trunk, and two other students (okay, Crabbe and Goyle) having a mini-buffet in the corner. But, other than that, Slytherin-style chilling is pretty boss. _

_Suddenly, a word passed through my mind. Not my brilliant plan- we're not quite there yet- but another word, an extremely insightful, powerful word... Well, a name. A nickname. Whatever._

_"Draco!" I exclaimed, and a few wary heads lifted in reply. "I can insult your name, too!"_

_Draco just looked at me the flattest expression you could imagine, and after a moment said, "Well?"_

_"Huh?" I echoed._

_"Well, have a go at it, then! Try me!"_

_By then everyone was pretty much looking at me, and it was very, very awkward. When I told them to stop staring, they just kind of rolled their eyes and kept on. So I closed my own eyes, then said it. _

_"Melonboy."_

_"I don't get it," Draco informed me, his eyebrows all wayside and confused-looking. After I had finally explained to him that it rhymed with Malfoy and sounded similar to it, he still looked rather dubious about it. "Alright, then," he said slowly, then went back to wall-staring._

_Dammit._

_"Epic fail," Blaise announced, appearing out of nowhere. Apparently._

_"Whatever!" I huffed, turning back to my textbook. And everyone went silent again. Then-_

_"You know... If you were writing a romance about Zabini, you call it 'The Blaise Days'. Or 'Daze', I suppose." We all looked up then, and I think we were all pretty much thinking the same thing: Who the hell just said that? So you can imagine their- our- faces when we looked up to see Goyle, his hands free of food. And condiments. Of everything, really._

_Which really was almost as much a shocker as what he'd just, apparently, said._

_"It's kinda cheesy-" Goyle continued. Of course he would use "cheesy". "-but it works... You know?"_

_"Not really," Draco said slowly, and Goyle seemed to shrink back a little. It didn't help that Crabbe was giving him a look, that, roughly translated, said, "What the fuck, man?" So it was only natural that I decided to help my pal out a bit, you know?_

_"I think it'd make a great story!" I proclaimed, opening my arms like Dumbledore had yesterday. The Jesus-thing._

_"Yeah, well, nobody gives a fuck about what you think, Theo," some kid said. Afronted, I walked over to where Goyle was and patted him on the shoulder._

_"You're good," I told him. "They're all just being asses." I said the last part a little louder, of course. I mean, I am Slytherin. What would anyone else expect, a hug? _

_"You were talking about rhymes, and it just came to me..." Goyle said, his face all lit up. Well, I'm glad to make the world a little less of a fucked-up place than it usually is. Is there a job for that? My business card could say something catchy, like "You fuck up, I clean it up!" Or something else, something that doesn't make one think of intercourse... or human waste... or canine waste._

_Anyway. A bit of throat-clearing here, just to clear the old thought cords..._

_"You like romance, Goyle?" I asked him, kind of curious now. I guess we all thought he just thought about food all day long... and then dreamed about it, too. "Do you harbor in your soul a secret love for something other than food?" I went on, the possibilities catching my mind's eye. "Or..." I elbowed the boy, "Someone?"_

_To everyone's utter amazement- okay, my amazement- Goyle turned red, and muttered something that sounded a lot like-_

_"I guess so."_

_Now a few more guys were looking at him, albeit curiously. They too had wondered. They too had the minds full of philosophy..._

_I've always wondered if the original great philosopher was named Phil. Is he why the word sprung about? Or is the world just full of fucking morons who make up stupid words?_

_"Who, Goyle? Who?" I asked, clinging to his arm a bit. I ignored the kid in the background that muttered something about me sounding like an owl. Well, I did turn, kind of, and whisper "Fuck you, too!" to him. But that doesn't count, because it was an eight-second exchange. Barely that._

_Goyle closed his eyes just as I had a few minutes earlier- I guess we really are sort of alike. He took a quick breath- which was really more of a frightened gulp- and then it was out there. Words. A name._

_My plan was already coming to me._

_**To be continued... ;)**_


	13. Day Twelve Is A Boss: Part Two

**_DAY TWELVE IS A BOSS: PART TWO_**

Goyle closed his eyes just as I had a few minutes earlier- I guess we really are sort of alike. He took a quick breath- which was really more of a frightened gulp- and then it was out there. Words. A name.

My plan was already coming to me.

_"I think Astoria Greengrass is kind of cute," Goyle told me, quietly. No one really heard him, except for those of us who had been leaning in close like total stalkers, i.e., Draco and me. And Crabbe, but only because he'd already been sitting there. His bored expression told us that he could care less about love. If I was religious, I'd pray that he find it... Love, that is._

_Too bad I'm not. Arghh, why did that have to have a pun in it? ...I hate Draco for bringing that one up!_

_Blaise had been listening in, too, it seemed, from a distance. "Then why haven't you done anything about that yet?" he asked curiously._

_"I don't know what to do," Goyle stated. "Should I?"_

_My mouth was bursting with words to be said, but just as I was about to explode, Blaise continued his little speech. As if knows anything about love! I'm the Cupid here, aren't I?_

_Well, I will be. Just as soon as I get a girlfriend. Or someone. Pansy._

_"Goyle, if you're sick, shouldn't you go the doctor? No, if you're hungry- don't you eat? You like a girl... of course you should do something about it! Just run up to her and kiss her!" Blaise exclaimed. He reminded me of Dumbledore, just a little bit. Which wasn't creepy... at all._

_"No, Blaise!" I shouted, straightening up and blocking Goyle from him with my arms. "He can't just do that! Goyle wants a romance!" And then, to my amazement- kind of- Draco stood next to me and said-_

_"He's right."_

_Even I was confused. "Huh?" was what came out of my mouth. Blaise raised an eyebrow, Crabbe rolled his eyes and bit into a cupcake. Only Goyle seemed to understand what Draco meant._

_"Of course Goyle wants a romance," Draco went on, oblivious to us. "He wants picnics, sunsets, smiles across the room! Goyle wants a lovely lady, a damsel in distress!" He was getting kind of into it now._

_"Who ever said she was in distress?" I muttered to myself. No one really paid attention, though. Draco was soaking it all up like... like a plant. A bad plant. A life-sucking plant. Something like that._

_"Goyle wants to fall in love," Draco concluded, then eyed the guy carefully. "Unless you already have?"_

_"What the fuck is up with him today?" Blaise whispered in my ear, speaking of Draco._

_"I have no idea," I answered. "But it's kind of annoying." Blaise nodded in assent, and I turned back to the scene unfolding before us._

_"I don't know," Goyle was saying in reply to Draco's question. _

_"Not yet," Draco nodded. "Good, good..."_

_"What do I do?" Goyle asked us, his face burning, but his expression determined. _

_You know how a lift will ding just before it gets to the floor you're aiming to get to? A little ding, just like that, went off in my head. "I know just what we've got to-" I began to say, rather excitedly, actually. I had, yes, a brilliant plan. An amazing plan. A plan that was so awesome that- well, it was interrupted and rejected. By an asshole._

_Of course it was Draco._

_"Picture this," the jerk said, painting a picture before our very eyes. Metaphorically. "You're walking down a hallway, right after your last class of the day. The sun has begun to sink down, and you're headed to the great hall for dinner."_

_"Cool," Goyle agreed, his eyes all hypnotized and shit. Whatever._

_"What are you getting to, anyway?" Blaise questioned. Draco swore at him, then continued on with his imaginary scenario._

_"Theo, help me with this, will you? Pretend you're Astoria," he ordered me. _

_"What? I'm not gonna pretend to be a girl! Not here!" I nearly yelled at the idiot. Was he serious, I wondered?_

_Oh, yes. Yes, he was._

_"You're right!" Draco exclaimed. "We need to act this out in the hallway! Come with me, comrades!" And, before we knew it, we were all being shepherded out the door, up several flights of stairs, and to Draco's dream-hallway. Blaise and I exchanged mutual concerns for Draco's mental health. _

_Okay, we were making fun of him. Same thing._

_Sure enough, though, the sun was indeed beginning to set. It seemed as though romance really could happen here, somehow, in some form or another. It was oddly calming, but something weird was weighing me down at the bottom of my stomach. Contrary to that, something else in there was lifting me up a bit, as if I were walking on clouds. I walked faster, nearly as much as Draco was._

_"Okay, this is it," Draco told us: Goyle, Blaise, Crabbe, me. I had no idea why Crabbe had even come... but he sure had brought a lot of food with him. "I'm Goyle. Theo, you're Astoria. Blaise, you're set?" Blaise nodded, and ignored the look of confusion that I cast towards him. I was about to be enlightened, though... unfortunately._

_"Astoria, you look positively stunning tonight," Draco informed me, and I had to choke down the laughter rising up my throat. I couldn't respond with anything but a nod. "Don't ruin this," Draco hissed in my ear, then went back to smiling at me in adoration again. God, it was weird. How did Pansy deal with this all the time?_

_Oh, right, she didn't. Because Draco didn't truly love her... Not like I did. Not like how he was acting towards me now._

_"Ditto," I replied, giving my false-lover a brilliant smile. He glared._

_"Astoria-"_

_"Put your hands where I can see them!" Blaise suddenly yelled from behind us, holding something metal in his hands. He held it towards us with deadly aim._

_"What the fuck is that?" I whispered to Draco, thoroughly confused and annoyed by now. _

_"It's a fucking gun, you moron. Now do as you're told or I'll do it for you!" Draco's expression smoothed over as he resumed acting. "Astoria, I'll save you!" he yelled bravely, leaping in front of me. "And then I shall capture your heart, as a prize!" He gave Blaise a good knocking- it looked real, but I wasn't completely sure- then took back the gun-thing and aimed it at our assumed criminal. "And don't come back again, you bastard!" Draco called to him, then kicked him. "Run away!" _

_"We got the point, Draco," Blaise said, amused. He gave me a really weird look, but just as I was about to ask him why the hell he was doing so, Draco took me and spun me around towards him._

_"What the-" I began to say, but was quickly shocked into silence as the guy dipped me back so that his face hovered mere inches above mine. It was a horrific repeat of the incident outside Dumbledore's office the other day, but this time we were both quite awake. _

_"Astoria, you don't know how long I have longed for you, yearned for you," Draco whispered to me. _

_Just then, in a dramatic turn of events, a group of students came upon our little charade. Naturally, one of said students was Pansy. Another, Astoria. Add in more Slytherin girls, and you'll get the picture._

_It was one of those moments where everyone goes: "Pansy?" "Goyle?" "Astoria?" "Draco?" Daphne?" "Crabbe?" "Theo?" and so on... and, as everyone unfroze, someone- someone that I will forever loathe, or something- knocked into Draco..._

_And then we kissed. _

_Okay, it wasn't really a real kiss. It was an awkward accident where our lips just happened to touch. I didn't even feel any disgust, or pleasure, even. Just pure surprise, and... _

_Anyway. Pansy looked even more flabbergasted than Draco and I. But when she asked him if there was something he wanted to tell her... we both laughed. Draco and I. Awkwardly, strangely, irritably, warily. All of those and more. _

_"Draco?" she asked, taking his hands curiously. Just then, the poor guy- I guess I can call him that since he had to go through the horror, too- totally collapsed onto her. After a moment of him not moving one bit, Pansy said, "He's fallen asleep!" Quietly, still rather shocked. And I was just standing there, wishing I could collapse, too. But I'm not nearly as good with drama as he is, so I just stood there like a tree, blinded._

_"Do you need help with him?" I asked hesitantly, and for a second she looked as if she was going to turn me down. But then she softened, somehow, and said sure. _

_"I'll try not to drop him." I winked at her, and she rolled her eyes. She looked afraid. But no one was more afraid than I was, I knew. I know. _

_I didn't drop him until we'd gotten back to the dormitory. Home, sweet home... Well, not really. But, you know, it was an abode. So, whatever._

_Goyle never did say anything after that. He just watched me with light eyes, and retired to cupcake-eating when I just collapsed onto my bed and let out a long breath. _

_Then I wrote. I never looked up again. _

_Just what is going on, I wonder?_

_Sincerely, Theo. _


	14. Day Twelve, Still: Aftermath

**_Day Twelve (Still, I Know): The Aftermath_**

**_Written for PinkLady129's Diary Prompt Challenge. :)_**

_Dear Darling Diary,_

_Okay, confession. I didn't dramatically wipe out on my bed and fall asleep with my head resting on this diary- I felt like being a stereotypical Slytherin, and so I did. Why not, I figured?_

_"You're even worse than he is." That's what she told me. And I guess that she's right._

_I mean, last time Draco got to me asleep, I woke up to the scene of him carrying me back to the dormitory. And, yeah, it was only because Dumbledore threatened him with his imposing authority and epic charm (or somthing like that). But he could've done some really crazy shit... and he didn't. Me, well, I did do some crazy shit._

_In my defense, I did help Pansy carry him all the way back to the dungeons. And it was me that had to hold Draco by the ankles- Pansy got the shoulders. But at least he has nice ankles. (Why exactly did I write that...?) In my, well, offense, I did kind of mess with him as soon as I thought Pansy had left._

_And by "mess with him", I mean that I was already setting naughty plans in motion four seconds after the door had clicked shut after Pansy's exit. By "naughty plans", I mean, well... You know that teddy bear that Draco pretends he doesn't sleep with? The one that, whenever he's asked about it, he just goes, "Teddy bear? What teddy bear? What kind of dork sleeps with a teddy bear?"_

_Well, for starters, him._

_Anyway. I didn't do much to the bear... I just kind of used a sticking charm to attach it to Draco's chest, where it was currently being hugged/strangled. I kind of wished I had some sort of camera at that moment... and, of course, Pansy had to walk in just as I was hovering over the boy in silent laughter. She rolled her eyes, but I knew what she was really thinking: "Theo may be strange, but he provides excellent comic relief. Plus, his hair is quite sexy." Or something along those lines, you know. They're all secretly thinking it, I just know it. I can see it in their eyes._

_In response to Pansy's comment (when she said I was even worse than Draco, as you'd know if you actually paid attention), I told her, "But this is too fun. Admit it. You want to laugh."_

_She didn't even crack a smile, dammit! She just went, "Theo, you can't fight fire with fire."_

_"Well, I'm not going to stop fighting!" I said, making no attempt to be quiet, since Draco was out cold anyway, and everyone else was off in the common room doing moronic stuff (i.e., getting drunk and playing wizard's chess). And I don't k__now what it was that made me say what I did, or if Draco's dramatic tendencies from earlier that day had rubbed off on me, but I found myself adding, "I never will, Pansy. I'll always fight for you."_

_"Theo-" she started to say, but never really said what she was apparently going to say. Which was mostly my fault, since it was me that crossed the space between us and put a finger to her lips._

_"Don't speak," I told her. "Just listen." She cocked her head to the side for a minute, then cast me a confused glance. "I told you he snored at night!" I exclaimed, speaking of Draco, of course. Pansy's expression narrowed._

_"You know, your hair's not even green anymore," Pansy informed me. She looked as if she were thinking about something uber-important. Like me. "And now it's pink!" she added in a rush, zapping me and exiting the room in two seconds flat._

_"You'll regret that!" I shouted after her, not even bothering to open the door. "I think," I muttered after a beat or two of silence._

_No, I don't think- I know._

_How many plans does a guy have to forumlate a day to survive, anyway? I guess life really does just hate me. _

_Oh, well. I could care less._

_Love (no, not really), Theo._

_Merlin, I really wish I was already asleep, just like..._


	15. Day Thirteen Starts Early

_**Day... **_

_**I've stopped keep track. Let's just call this the Day of... The day of... I'll write this later, okay? After I tell you what he did today, that jerk. Draco Malfoy... I'll bet he has a really horrible middle name that I can insult, if I figure out what it is. I'll pay someone to get on that, sometime... but for now, onto the entry. Or is this already the entry? I'm writing, I'm writing, I'm- **_

_**Okay. Let's start over.**_

_DEAR DIARY (there we go!),_

_Okay, what the fuck was I just saying? Merlin, I think I wrote that while being half-asleep. Then again, looking back... At least I had the presence of mind to call Draco a jerk._

_Why is it that this guy has been coming up in this diary even more than Pansy lately? Do I really hate him that much? Well... yeah, I do, but he's still my friend. Kind of. It's weird. Weird how he keeps turning up everywhere, even when he's not even there... _

_If you're wondering, yes, it did happen again today. And now two people at this school- that I know of- are convinced that I'm smitten with that fiend. Does this even make sense? No. It doesn't._

_Okay, I guess I need to chill out before I continue writing, or else my current thoughts will leak onto this page. They would sound like this, if you're curious:_

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. WHY? I don't get it! This is so weird! Dammit! Dammit! Just... dammit, you know?

_So, yeah, that's why I really need to calm down. Think about ponies and pink and ice cream..._

_Everything's okay now. I'm okay. __Anyway... __I guess this crazy debacle began this morning. It was really rather strange how I woke up to the sound of Draco sitting on the edge of my bed and saying, "...Theo, I've got to tell you something..." but... _

_It was also really quite humorous. Because, in response to his statement, my sleepy-self replied, "Draco, I already know that you sleep with the bear, so you don't even have to say anything. I accept it, Draco, and I think it's okay! I used to do the same..." and then I kind of fell asleep again, or something, because, the next thing I knew, Draco was right on top of me and practically snarling. _

_I was too tired to really care, so I just kind of laughed at his predicament- remember how I did that attachment charm with the teddy bear and him? I think it was that- and lazily smiled. Draco looked like he was about to slug me, but then he just rolled his eyes and got up again._

_"You know what?" he said. "I could care less. I could care less, Theodore Nott! I. Could. Care. Less."_

_"That's nice," I informed him sweetly._

_"Besides, everyone likes teddy bears. Who doesn't like teddy bears?"_

_"I like teddy bears," Goyle spoke up. A few others nodded along with him (and a few others scoffed at us, but, hey, I could care less!). _

_"Goyle!" I realized, sitting straight up for the first time that morning. "I've got to help you with Pansy! I mean, Astoria! Yes, I do... I know!" I jumped out of bed and shot a spell at it to make it- I was that downright cheerful. "Goyle," I said mysteriously, "You have somewhere you need to go."_

_"But breakfast doesn't start until-"_

_"Goyle," I repeated, "You have somewhere you need to go. Come with me, Goyle!"_

_I took him to Dumbledore. Someone else needed to preoccupy him with their love issues, I figured. And old Dumbles wasn't that bad himself at advice._

_Yeah, I wasn't feeling very intelligent this morning. Let's blame lack of sleep, shall we? No, even better- let's blame _Draco_._

_Dumbledore was good with Goyle. They got along, and Goyle actually listened to what our fine headmaster had to say. It wasn't even that bad of a visit until Dumbledore went and asked Goyle-_

_"So, Gregory, what do you think about Theo's interest in Draco?" _

_Goyle was confused. Dumbledore elbowed me, and I must have turned redder than... something really, really red. Like Ginny Weasley's hair- but redder. I couldn't speak. When I opened my mouth, nothing came out. Why was I so embarrassed? It was just Goyle. I could explain to him later, I figured, so..._

_"I'm in love with Draco," I told him. "I'm... interested in him. Like that."_

_"Really?" Goyle's face brightened with enlightenment. "So they were right!"_

_"Who was right?" I demanded, shocked. "Who is 'they'? What were they right about?" I felt frozen cold... what was up with the thermostat in this place, I wondered?_

_"The fanfiction!" Goyle explained, rather flustered and scared-looking._

_"The WHAT?" I echoed._

_"Nobody you know," he sighed._

_"Oh... well, then. On with the Astoria plan!" I exclaimed, eager to change the subject. They asked me what I had been thinking... I told them my plan. Dumbledore botched it up quite a bit, but, in the end..._

_We had a plan- a fucking awesome plan. And I had plans of my own, in my head- how I was going to get back to Pansy and forget about all of this Draco shit..._

_I just never figured that Draco had something of his own to say._

**_To be continued... _**


	16. And What?

**NOTE:So, er, due to bad strategical skills by the author, read what is under chapter 22... and then this. That's the real chapter 16...**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Okay, definitely...<strong>_

_**Day Thirteen. Still. Of course.**_

_Anyway, Diary..._

_It was Dumbledore- he'd been looking for me, of course. It was old Albus that opened that door, and me that walked out of it in surprise and curiosity a mere three minutes later. Why? Well, you see... To put it in my own perspective... Okay, picture this. The door starts to open. Here's me over in the big guy chair with the hammering heart and the breaking sweat all over his forehead... and then Dumbledore walks in. I sigh in relief, but then he hands me something. A letter? From whom? And it's addressed..._

_"To My Darling Grandson, Theo"_

_"I didn't know you had a grandmother," Dumbledore said, reading over my shoulder._

_"Maybe it's a grandfather!" I muttered irritably, turning the thing over and over in my hands._

_He ignored me. "Is she beautiful?"_

_I considered, trying to remember what the fuck my dad's mom even looked like. That was about when I remembered her... and what I'd promised her before heading off to school this year..._

_"Oh, shit," I said, slamming the palm of my hand against my forehead. "Shit, shit, shit-" I recalled that I was standing next to the school's headmaster. "Shit," I repeated, weakly._

_"I don't mind," he said, however. Brightly, even. "Swearing is cool!"_

_"Right..."_

_"I really should swear more often. It would help me connect with the students better, don't you think, Theo?"_

_"Er..." Dammit. What had I just done?_

_"Theo, get the fuck out of my office and go read your shittin' letter! And then have some damn dinner!"_

_"Er..."_

_He was smiling at me. Fucking smiling._

_Do I sound that moronic when I swear, too? Dammit... No wonder my parents always tell me not to. I must sound like some delusional old man, like... like Dumbledore! Merlin! I've got to change my ways... Sometime. Just as soon as I leave school. Or turn thirty._

_Just as long as I'm not swearing at age one-hundred-and-fifty. Shudder._

_"Okay," I said finally. "I'll just be going, then..." I made my way back to the door._

_"Theo- why were you here, anyway?" Dumbledore asked as I placed my hand on the doorknob. I paused, I guess. And remembered._

_"Oh, I'm just in some pretty deep shit, I suppose." I chuckled a bit, and sounded quite scary, actually. A very Death Eater type of laugh. "But I'm going to deal with it," I added._

_"What are you going to do?"_

_I thought for a moment, then turned the knob. "I have absolutely no idea. But I know where I'm going to start."_

_"Wh-"_

_"The letter, of course!" I said, and shut the door behind me. I sat down right on the steps there and pulled out my grandmother's letter._

_I promised the summer before school began that I would owl my dad's mother a letter at least once a month... and it's already November. My grandmother isn't the type of woman to just forgive people for things... she's more of a punishment type of gal, you know? She reminds me nearly every time she comes to our house that she beat my father once for every lie he told her... and she's not afraid to do the same to me. Broken promises are worse than lies in her book... so I'm pretty much dead by now._

_I stared at my name on the letter's envelope and wondered what secrets were held inside... Okay, it wasn't nearly dramatic. To be completely honest- or something close to it, anyway- the letter's arrival had scared the hell out of me, and I didn't want to open it. So... I didn't. I stuffed it in my bookbag and walked away, deciding to read it later._

_It's not later yet._

_Maybe in five minutes, or something... Okay, I need to do this now. I'll read it, then not write anything more until tomorrow. I need some time to think, and this paper isn't helping me today. I need to go somewhere and think, and not write while walking, because it's dangerous..._

_Shit, I just passed Dumbledore and McGonagall. He's swearing. She looks bewildered._

_Okay, that tree over there. I'll sit there for a moment, and just..._

_Okay. Now._

_Okay._

_-Theodority!_


	17. What The?

**TO MY DARLING GRANDSON, THEO:**

**I can't believe that you would leave your poor old lonely grandmother hanging for THREE MONTHS. Sitting by the window for an hour every day in hopes that something would come by owl- hell, I'd even accept by cow! But I got NOTHING. When you come back for the winter holidays, you are going to GET IT, worse than your silly father ever did. You'd do well to wear a half dozen pillows under your robes, though I doubt that that'd be much defense against me. Seriously, how hard is it to jot down even a quick note? You're lucky they were out of howlers, or you would have gotten it. Badly. **

**Very badly.**

**In case you hadn't noticed- hell, you probably didn't, you're so absentminded, either that or a damn jerk for ignoring me- I've been giving you the silent treat,emt for about, what, two months now? Well, screw that. I was talking to your friend Draco Malfoy's parents the other day, and it's come to my attention that the boy's been engaged. Has been for about three years now, to that young Astoria Greengrass. Now, I've heard that that boy's been fooling around with that Parkinson slut- I mean girl. Hell, it's the same thing nowadays for most of you Slytherins. Anyway. This Pansy thing between her and Draco needs to end, and you need to do it. Hook up with her yourself if you have to. Just get it done before the boy's parents catch wind of it.**

**I expect an immediate reply. Please, please don't have waited a day to open this thing because you're a chicken-boy. I'm waiting.**

**Your Grandmother, Marie Nott.**

_..._

_And, another letter, this one from just now..._

THEO! I HAVE OMH! -Headmaster Dumbledore

_Now, what the hell does that even mean?_

_-Theo..._


	18. FourteenFifteenSomething

_I sent her a letter back. I'm feeling kind of jittery. My hands are shkaign adn I cna barlye wreit tihs... I maen..._

_Dear Diary,_

_Okay. A quite charm and I'm all good. I'm not nervous. I'm just- . That spell didn't do shit for me! Flitwick is such a moron teacher. I guess getting kicked out before you finish the lesson doesn't necessarily mean that you've mastered the calming spell... but that was a year ago! I've changed since then! Now I'm more... well...I'm handsomer. Stronger. More brawny and intelligent. And I really do get around with the women. Well, I could._

_Except that "the women"- hell, the woman, well, I'm angry at her. And everyone in my house. I'm basically pissed at them for... well, for making me pissed. Best reason ever. Go figure._

_But how could a guy not be stressed out when his lunatic grandmother is back- sort of- he's getting failing grades in charms class, and his archenemy just broke up with the girl of his dreams? I don't even know why I'm not overjoyed at the last one. Why aren't I happy about this? Now I have even more of a chance to go out with my beloved Pansy... But I expected her to be sad. She wasn't. I wanted her to cry on my shoulder, and she didn't. But I think I might have cried. Barely._

_I was damn sexy while I did it, at least. Girls go for that. Lots of them._

_Just not Slytherin girls._

_And Draco, what was up with him?_ "_Weren't you the one who liked her, anyway?" Well, yeah, but... I mean, he's the one who fucking dated her. The one who possibly fucking, well, fucked her. So why did he just... let go? I feel as if we were playing tug-of-war, and both of them just dropped the rope... and it was me that fell from taking on all of its weight. Or whatever the analogy should be._

_And now I'm just lying on the ground with a rope on top of me... well, I'm actually on the top branch of a nice climbing tree. Hiding. And giving the middle finger to all the passerby, since they can't see me anyway._

_More later. There's a cute Ravenclaw girl below me..._

_Hey, since I'm giving the rest of my house the silent treatment, why not?_

_If only to look?_

_-Theodority_


	19. Day of the First Words

**_DAY OF THE FIRST WORDS_**

_Dear Diary,_

_I am almost as brilliant at making an idiot of myself as I am making a total moron myself. See the subtle difference there in that comparison? Or maybe you just see a horrible fail at a metaphor, or whatever is. Then again, diaries can't even see. Or maybe they do. Maybe diaries know everything..._

_That's fucking creepy. _

_I mean, what other Slytherin guy would jump off of the tree branch and then snatch a girl's hood to balance himself? And then have her fall on him? On the bright side, she wasn't hurt... I think. I don't think that she would have told me, even if she was. I really don 't know if all Ravenclaws are like that... but..._

_Okay, so I jump. The girl I've been randomly eyeing falls, and then we're on the ground with her on top. I make some awfully perverted comment on how nice it is to be on the bottom for a change, and the girl turns bright red and starts to stumble away. And- as if I haven't scared the poor girl enough- I take her arm and apologize profusely. She nods and tries to pull away again, but, well, I don't let her. _

_I guess I was rather desperate for humanity. But I didn't know what to say to her. And the first thing that came to my mind was Dumbledore's short letter from before. "Do you know what OMH is?" I asked the Ravenclaw, rather awkwardly, actually. "Dumbledore told me that he has it..."_

_"I-don't-know-sorry," the girl answered quickly. Her words all ran together in a way that it took me a second to figure out what she meant to say. And it was almost sort of cute. She reminded me of Astoria Greengrass. _

_I started to really think about the acronym then, and also started worry a little. This small bout of worrying involved me pacing back and forth, muttering aloud and pondering what the letters could stand for. What if OMH was some sort of terminal illness? Why hadn't I checked to see if Dumbledore was still alive? But wouldn't that have been announced...? What if it was all being kept secret? What if I was the only one who knew? __What if it was all a damn conspiracy? _

_"You-could-check."_

_The girl hadn't left, but she was on the verge of doing so, it seemed. Her knees were all locked-up and her hands shook and her face was still flaming. I felt happy, somehow, that she hadn't left. She was reminding me of something that I couldn't quite recall, actually. I still can't remember what it was._

_"Want to come with me?" I offered. The girl shook her head and refused politely, still frozen in place. I shrugged and started walking, then glanced over my shoulder. She was following me. I got an idea, something that might have compensated for my previous moronic tendencies. "What's your name?" I asked, not facing the Ravenclaw. I was still walking._

_"Lisa."_

_"Last name?"_

_"...Turpin."_

_"And you're in Ravenclaw, right?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Do you read?"_

_"Er..."_

_"No, then?"_

_"Yes... but..."_

_"But what?"_

_"That's-a-sterotype."_

_"We have a lot of those, too," I informed Lisa. "Everyone seems to think that guys like me are women-obsessed jerks who hate Gryffindors, when, in reality, women hate me and I'm horrible at being mean and I don't think Ravenclaws are nerds. I think there's something wrong with me, actually."_

_"We're-going-the-wrong-way... you-know," she said after a beat of silence. I told her that this was a shortcut._

_And, okay, maybe I was just testing her. But it was a fun game, trying to make the girl speak. I wanted her to shout and fight and laugh, so much so that I couldn't remember why I had been depressed before. Not that I don't now, but even now, the thought of her lifts me up. Well, not really her herself, but the game. Is that wrong?_

_"We... passed the office... already," Lisa said. Slowly, instead of quickly. It was different, at least._

_"We might be lost," I informed her. Lisa shook her head, then paused. I motioned for her to speak._

_"This-way." She led me through the halls and I followed, still questioning her. What did she read, and what didn't she? What did she read that I would like? What did she think I would like? _

_She giggled just a little at the last one. I looked at her questioningly, resisting the smile that was threatening to show on my face. She thought for a moment and then told me, "You're not... a reader... are you?" I shook my head in agreement. Which is actually an oxymoron, sort of. Maybe. "You write."_

_I looked at her in surprise, and the girl shrugged. She looked back at me. "I-see-you-write," she said, both bold and nervous at once._

_I was about to reply when Dumbledore suddenly breezed past us, flying as if he had a broom. And he didn't. He looked surprisingingly healthy. _

_"Headmaster, what the hell is OMH?" I demanded, eyes all narrowed. Lisa's eyes went wide at the curse._

_Dumbledore spun around, robes swirling, and answered, "Old man humor! It's what makes me so awesome!" And then he was gone, leaving nothing but a psychotic chuckle in his wake. Also, Lisa and me. Lisa looked up at me curiously. For a moment we both just looked at each other, wondering what the hell had just happened. _

_Then Lisa said, suddenly, "You-shouldn't-swear."_

_I laughed, and I had to sit down on the stone floor because I couldn't keep my balance. I was crying again, and Lisa just stood there all frozen again. But then her body thawed a small amount, and she relaxed. She smiled, then froze. Smiled again. I grinned at her and continued to laugh like crazy, bent over my knees as if I were lightheaded. I actually was, sort of. Everything on my back had just crashed to the ground, and I didn't bother to pick up the pieces to try and glue them back together._

_Instead, I took Lisa's ankle and used it as support. _

_She didn't flinch this time._

_"There's someone I think you should meet," I told her._

**_TO BE CONTINUED..._**


	20. 21, Baby, But It's Not That Nice

_Ah, my diary! How are you today?!_

_Yeah, I know, I've been writing in here all night. It's not even daytime, dammit... but I did take a ten-minute break from writing about Lisa to make fun of Draco's abysmal shower-singing. It's so hard to think of him as a jerk lately when he's being so... I don't know, he just keeps surprising me, somehow, you know? _

_It's not that he's a bad singer, I suppose, but he really can't do high notes... Like, he really fucking cannot sing them. Really._

_Finally I just yelled at him to shut up, but he called in reply, "Make me!" And it's not as if I could just jump into the bathroom and hold my wand to his throat... That would just be... I mean..._

_Anyway, I'm writing about the new girl I found outside! The one that I'm replacing Draco and Pansy with... I got over being pissed off at almost all of the Slytherins, at least. Mostly because I don't want to be killed in my sleep tonight, really... _

_I took the girl to meet Goyle. I guess that I kind of missed it when I went off... but Astoria turned him down! It wasn't even a polite apology, it was more of a "Get the fuck away from me, you pig!" sort of thing... and I suppose that it was somewhat my fault... But it's been a day or two now, so he should've have gotten over it, right? I would redeem myself, I figured, by bringing him a new girl to fall in love with..._

_One who didn't keep knives in her underwear drawer and then still look cute while doing so..._

_Except that Lisa was too nervous to go inside our dormitory at first. When I finally pushed her in, she looked pretty okay... her green-tinted cheecks were due to the lighting, I figured. Seriously, whoever decorated the place must have had some issues with, you know, normal lighting. Hell, normal everything. Who needs a secret trapdoor underneath their common room rug?! We don't need a bomb shelter... probably..._

_When I inroduced her to Goyle, though, she looked crazy happy. They sat down and talked about stuff for the longest time, and I just sat in the corner and watched them. Not in a stalker-ish way, of course, but in a sort of observing-your-success kind of way, you know? I didn't look like a pedophile. (Who cares what Blaise says about what he saw?)_

_He's the one who ruined it all, Blaise was. He fucking stole her right from Goyle's presence, and she didn't even mind! Goyle says it because he looked more handsome than he did, but Blaise is not in any way attractive. I would know, I practically live with him! He's not like Draco at all!_

_Not that Draco is attractive, either. But he does have a reputation of sorts among females for that kind of thing._

_Blaise corrupted my angel. When she finally left, he kissed her before she went out the door! In front of us, dammit! And then he just winked at me and went up to our cave. _

_Goyle looked so sad after that, and I wanted to apologize.. but I knew that that wouldn't work for shit. I needed to get Lisa back for him. I needed a plan..._

_Hell, I still don't have a plan. Draco's trying to deal with Goyle now, but even that's not working. And I'm still nervous about Grandma Marie, and my own true love is ignoring me again. How am I supposed to fall asleep now? _

_Or ever?_

_-Theo, unfortunately. _


	21. 22, My Love, and Counting

**A FEW DAYS LATER**

_So... Diary..._

_My beloved flower Lisa has become a monster. Seriously._

_Not seriously as in literally, of course, but seriously as in she-reads-spicy-romance-novels-now-and-folds-her-skirt-much-shorter-than-she-should seriously. I mean, seriously, dammit! She was supposed to be a sunflower, the newfound light of Goyle's life! Now she's nothing more than Blaise's slut, dammit! Why do I always mess things up this badly?_

_I know that shouldn't dwell on this... Dumbledore's been counseling me on stress lately... but, seriously! How can I just watch this go on every day and not do something? Goyle's heartbroken posture, Draco's failed attempts at comforting him, Blaise's victorious stride, Pansy's... well, Pansy's complete ignorance... But how can I not do something? _

_I know that I'll probably end up doing something really moronic, but that's better than nothing, isn't it?_

_"You should talk to Dumbledore about your depression," I suggested to my dear friend Goyle today._

_"But I'm fine, Theo... I got over it..." Goyle replied, looking at me with uncertainty. _

_"Hell, you can even have Pansy, if you want! Nobody else does!" I said cheerfully. And loudly, apparently, and when Pansy herself was only a few paces away. Well. She actually didn't try and get at me this time, just looked at me with some indecipherable female expression and then went back to ignoring me._

_"Theo, I'm okay..."_

_Draco talked to me for the first time in a while today, too. He asked me if I was okay. _

_I just laughed and pushed him away with a nonchalant "Fuck off, man". I guess that I'm still angry at him, though I don't really have a reason to be anymore. I miss making fun of his hair every day, though... I can't do that when I'm angry. Maybe, if he apologized... or baked me cookies. Yeah, I'd like that better. Draco Malfoy waking me up in the morning with a freshly-baked batch of chocolate chip, kneeling next to my bed. And wearing an apron. An apron with those frilly things on the edges. That'd be..._

_I mean, everyone likes cookies. And laughter. And everyone loves breakfast in bed. So that'd be an acceptable action in lieu of an apology. Just sayin'._

_I'll forgive the guy in my own sweet time. Dumbledore says that I should should kiss him and make up... Damn, I really do need another source of advice. But everyone else I know either hates me or is an asshole. Or just can't give advice._

_Maybe I need to take up a religion. Too bad it's a sin to swear..._

_*This entry brought to you by Theo Nott*_


	22. And Just Gets Worse

**_Being continued...?_**

_"Theo, I'm not completely sure that this is going to work all that well," Goyle told me._

_"Are you kidding?" I asked him. "This is going to work out absolutely perfectly!" And I knew this for a fact. Well, I did this afternoon. How was I supposed to know that Astoria wasn't into tuxedos? Besides, the kid looked adorable in it. As an afterthought, I'd tied a nice pink bow around his neck. He looked like such a present! How could any girl not go for that? I mean, I swear I saw Pansy eyeing him up when we left the common room._

_Which, come to think of it, really was rather odd. Why wasn't she gazing upon my own beauty?_

_Dammit, I was too good, wasn't I? Why am I such a nice guy? I need to be more Slytherin._

_Anyway. I reassured Goyle that he looked great, and then handed him the guitar and the bouquet of wildflowers. I shoved him in Astoria's general direction and ducked behind a plant, eager to observe the results of my brilliant plan._

_But just as Goyle started strumming it up and heading towards the girl, Draco appeared next to me. I was so intent on watching Goyle that the brush of teddy bear fluff against my arm had as much effect on me as a rogue bludger would have had. "What the fuck is it?" I hissed. "I'm trying to watch this!" But Draco just rolled his eyes at me and stayed put, leaning against the stone wall of the hallway._

_Me, I wasn't so comfortable. The stupid plant I'd been hiding behind had really pokey branches, and it was annoying the hell out of me. It figured, you know?_

_"Dumbledore was looking for you... and Pansy and I broke up," Draco informed me suddenly._

_Everything just kind of turned upside-down right then. I forgot about Goyle and Astoria, and even Pansy, a little. My brain felt like a can of shaken-up soda, as if I'd been tossed about like a quaffle... and I think my vision went kind of fuzzy, too, if that wasn't enough. And the funny part was- is- that I was anything but happy._

_"You broke up with her? You dumped her?" I exclaimed. I didn't even start off whispering for the sake of the two potential lovebirds on the other side of the damn plant- I just yelled my head off and my thoughts out like an idiot. "What the fuck?" I think I might have shoved Draco then, or something. I could sort of swear that I only just elbowed him a bit... but not really. Not really... at all. "I can't believe that you'd do that!" I cried. "Not even you, Draco! Why would you do that? She's such a nice girl, Pansy? WHY?" I repeated._

_"But aren't you the one who liked her more, anyway?"_

_"That doesn't matter!" I exclaimed. "I don't want my Pansy-flower to be sad! That makes me sad, too!"_

_"Theo, are you seriously crying?" Draco asked, sounding rather shocked. I wasn't crying. I really wasn't. Really. "We just decided to break up, it's no big deal..."_

_"But it is a big deal!" That was about the moment when Pansy appeared, walking towards us. She looked... confused. I ran to her and basically hugged the guts out of her, awkwardly enough... but I really didn't want her to be unhappy. You know? "It's okay," I told her. "You're going to be happy again, I promise!"_

_"Theo, I'm perfectly fine. Are you okay?" she asked. Concerned for me!_

_"I don't want you to be sad!" I said, still clutching her to me. "I want you to be happy!"_

_"Theo, I'm fine! I'm fine!" Pansy said again, louder the second time. She stepped back, looking both concerned and confused. And maybe irritated._

_Draco stood off to the side, quietly. Then no one was saying anything. They were just looking at me, and I was looking back and forth at them, and the others that had assembled without my knowing. Blaise and Goyle and Astoria and Crabbe... Not to mention, Pansy. Draco, the jerk. Why did he do that? Why? Pansy must have been dying inside as she walked toward us two minutes earlier!_

_She had probably been coming back to see if Draco still wanted her... and I had ruined it. Got in the middle of it. Why was I such an idiot? I kept trying to meddle with everyone else's lives... and I myself was in my own shit. Alone, dammit. No one else mattered, and I didn't matter to them, either._

_So, basically... I suddenly, abruptly realized how much I really did feel like shit. So I did what any other hero would do in the situation:_

_I ran to Dumbledore's office, slammed the door behind me, and upon finding his office again empty, collapsed into his wonderful spinny chair and just sat there for a long while. Thinking. And then I got out my diary... this little book... and began to write. This._

_Do I feel better now? Do I feel as if I've let all the pain out? Not in the slightest. I only see more proof that it's all real, on these pages in front of me. If I would stop writing for two seconds, I'd likely throw this damn thing so hard that its spine would split._

_Shit, the door's opening..._

_-Theo._

**_To be continued, if Theo doesn't destroy his diary before he writes again..._**


End file.
